


Naruto Character Incorrect Quotes

by Peacharvest



Category: Naruto
Genre: Incorrect Quotes, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-15
Updated: 2020-11-15
Packaged: 2021-03-10 03:08:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,599
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27576971
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Peacharvest/pseuds/Peacharvest
Summary: Movie Quotes, Memes, and shit I hear on the streets I think these characters would say
Relationships: Hatake Kakashi/Uchiha Obito, Hatake Kakashi/Umino Iruka, Senju Hashirama/Uzumaki Mito, Senju Tobirama/Uchiha Madara, Uchiha Sasuke/Uzumaki Naruto
Comments: 4
Kudos: 169





	1. Tobirama─=≡┌( `ー´)┘

Hashirama: “Hey! Anybody home?!”  
Tobirama: “Yeah! I’m in the lab! Don’t come in unless you want to see a dead body though! I’m trying to pull it’s brain out through it’s nose so I can keep the bones!”  
Hashirama: “You’re wha- Oh my go-” *Staggers out of the room and starts dry heaving*  
Tobirama: “....I literally could NOT have been clearer, you daft fuck.”

Kagami: The cumulonimbus cloud can weighs like a million lbs. ... And it's just fucking floating?  
Tobirama: "But you understand the physics of it due to Today's lesson-"  
Kagami :  
Kagami : I can repeat it back to you if that's what you mean.

Tobirama, about Madara: When he ripped his shirt off I didn't stare. I was wonder who would waste 15 dollars like that.

Tobirama, after keeping up with his two teams, his administration paperwork in the Hokage office, his reality bending experiments, and full time job of being a ninja: I'm not an early bird or a night owl, I more like a permanently exhausted pigeon.

desk shinobi a: god, tobirama is such a square.  
everybody in the vicinity: [pauses]  
desk shinobi a: ...what?  
desk shinobi b, from the back of the room: were you not there yesterday when he had a fistfight with the head of police while lady mito and uchiha izuna cheered him on?

Tobirama to his students: “We all make choices, some which we regret; such as becoming a teacher.”

Fourteen years old Hashirama after naivly offering to help his brother in the lab for some bonding time: “I have a severed foot in my hand right now, and it's not even my foot!”

Izuna, after walking in on his brother and Tobirama: “Soooo.....lace huh?”  
Tobirama, sipping his tea as Madara flails in denial of ruining his brother's innocence: “Not Another Word.”

Tobirama:"I fucked up."  
Izuna: "I can see that."  
Tobirama: “No, the hair is deliberate, I was trying something out.”  
Izuna: "Oh"  
Tobirama: “I was talking about the dead body I have in the bathtub.”

Tobirama: Right, I hate you. Which is why I’ve saved your life five times, trusted you with my own, sat by your sickbed for a week -- I even took you to my favorite restaurant!”

Uchiha Clan: "Necromancy is evil!"  
Tobirama: “Trust me, reanimating a corpse is the least evil thing I’m going to do today.”

Izuna: you tricked me!!  
Tobirama: I Deceived you. Trick makes it sound like we have a playful relationship.

Madara: “Oh god, why is there a severed human finger on the kitchen bench?”  
Tobirama: “There wasn’t enough room for it to fit with the others, and I can’t just put it with the tongues. It’s just not done!”  
Madara: “.....I’m honestly not sure which part of that I should attempt to address first.”

Madara: if I punch my self and it hurts am I strong or weak?  
Hashirama: STRONG ✿✧♡  
Izuna: Weak, LOL  
Tobirama: A Coward, use a knife.

tobirama: [sneaks in wearing a huge coat]  
touka: what’s with the coat?  
tobirama’s coat: [meows]  
tobirama: drugs.

Tobirama, white powder on his black turtle neck:  
Hashirama: Tobi! YOU ate my powdered donuts!  
Tobirama, sweating: It's cocaine.

tobirama: if i am killed by some murderer, do not prosecute that murderer.  
tobirama: they caught me slipping.  
tobirama, nodding solemnly to himself: that is on me.

izuna, in the dressing room with tobirama: ooh, that one is cute on you!  
tobirama, idly checking the tag: yes. but is it cute enough to destroy madara’s whole life?

izuna: are you okay? i heard you crying last nigh—  
tobirama, glowering: the only cries i utter are war cries.

Tobirama: I do what I want  
Madara: I'm telling Hashirama  
Tobirama: wait no-

Izuna: But how?  
Tobirama: You could just sell your soul. That’s what I did. I’m fine. 

“It is likely I will die next to a pile of things I was meaning to read.”

“A good library will never be too neat, or too dusty, because somebody will always be in it, taking books off the shelves and staying up late reading them.”


	2. Naruto 🍥 (Ξ｀Д´Ξ)◎)))

Naruto: *Recording* Hi I've decided on an Archnemesis dad if you're watching I'm coming for you 

Tsunade: ok so you've lost a lot of blood but it's going to be ok. what's ur blood type?  
Naruto: ...re... Red?  
Sasuke: B+  
Naruto: I'm positive that it's red.

Sakura: (to Sasuke) little girls who kiss frogs expect them to turn into you  
Sasuke: oh, come on. i'm not that good-looking  
Naruto: you kind of are

Naruto: Your hair looks good today.  
Sasuke: It looks good everyday.  
Naruto:...  
Naruto: You make it very hard to flirt, you know?  
Sasuke: You make me very hard.  
Naruto, winking: That’s how you flirt.

Naruto: *taps blood and licks fingers*  
Naruto: Fresh, about ten minutes old-  
Kakashi: Don’t ever fucking do that again

Naruto: You remind me of the ocean.  
Sasuke: Why the ocean?  
Naruto: Because you’re salty and you scare people

Naruto: Are you a cuddler?  
Kurama: I AM THE CHAKRA EMBODIMENT OF DEATH AND DESTRUC-yeah i’m a cuddler.

Naruto: why are you looking at me like that, you know I'm right.

Naruto, putting honey in his tea: hell yeah get in that leaf juice you sexy sexy bee sauce  
Shino: do you take constructive criticism on your sentences  
Naruto: i absolutely fucking do not

Naruto, reading a fortune cookie: if you kill a killer, the number of killers in the world stays the same  
Sasuke, with a mouth full of takeout: kill two

Itachi: To associate with my brother, you must complete these qualification forms.  
*Many hours later*  
Sai: What did you put for question 319?  
Naruto: Lure the tiger away from Sasuke by imitating a chicken strip.

Naruto: I've never been in a snowball fight before  
Sasuke: really?  
Naruto: I don't even know the rules  
Naruto: Is there a point system or is it to the death?

Naruto, boasting: I’m the type of person that likes to think things through.  
Sasuke: Since when? I once saw you eat a marshmallow that was still on fire.

Kakashi: Naruto, your bacon allergy is a lie. Iruka just made it up so you'd eat healthier.  
Naruto: No, I'm just allergic to a lot of stuff. Bacon, donuts, candy, not saying 'please' and 'thank you' an-  
Naruto: [Gasp]

Iruka: Mizuki-sensei had a heart attack this morning and-  
Naruto: That’s cool, so who’s gonna collect this homework?  
Iruka: SHOW SOME SYMPATHY.  
Naruto: THIS IS THE FIRST ASSIGNMENT I'VE EVER DONE! SOMEONE’S GRADING THIS!

Sasuke: I'm gonna take you out!  
Naruto: Great! It's a date.   
Sasuke: ...   
Sasuke: I meant that as a threat. 

Sakura: Naruto, please don’t pronounce ‘hors d'oeuvres’ as ‘horse divorce’ ever again.

Sasuke: [walks in] Sorry I’m late, I was doing stuff  
Naruto: [walks in after Sasuke, noticeably disheveled] HE PUSHED ME OFF THE HOKAGE MOUNTAIN!!

Sakura: What did you do with the body?  
Naruto: What didn't I do with the body?  
Sakura: ...  
Naruto: That sounded a lot more sexual than I intended. I disposed of him respectfully.

sakura and sasuke: okay time for plan B  
naruto: we uh, we had a plan A?

Shino: we need a distraction. is anyone here good at jumping up and down and making obnoxious noises?  
Naruto, tears in eyes fist clenched in victory: my time has come

Kakashi: Back in my day we used to work a lot harder than you kids  
Naruto: Back in your day soda had cocaine in it you fucking dinosaur 

Kakashi, trying to be a good sensei: Got any plans for the weekend.  
Naruto: Gonna go to the library and pretend to be a nine year old so I can hang out with the reading dogs

iruka: did you all get enough sleep?  
hinata:. sasuke:. shikamaru:. kiba: ino:  
naruto: sometimes my eyes close when i sneeze

Sakura: Oh no the pH of the soil is too high~ I think I may die!  
Naruti: Fuck yeah, concrete!

Kakashi: How tall are you?  
Naruto: Height is a social construct.  
Kakashi: So you're short.

Naruto: can you at least try to see things from my perspective?  
Sasuke: *crouches down a half foot*  
Naruto: That's not WhAt I mEnT!

naruto: can’t you guys just see this how i see it?!  
sakura: [crouches down]  
sasuke: [gets down on his knees]  
Kakashi: [sits]  
naruto:  
naruto: i hate you all

Kakashi: how could you get into much trouble in one day?  
Naruto: it... It didn't take me all day...

Naruto: Trust me I know what I'm doing.  
Sasuke: not even God knows what you're doing.

Naruto: I thought life would be easy peasy lemon squeezy, but it's stressed depressed lemon zest

Sasuke, snarling: careful, uzumaki. you wouldn’t like me when i’m angry.  
Naruto, waving him off with a huff of amusement: bold of you to assume that i would ever like you

Sasuke: Were you dropped on your head as a child?  
Naruto: Bold of you to assume I was held!  
Everyone:  
Naruto:  
Sakura: oh Naruto

iruka, going over the academy fire drill even though they don’t really need it: in the event of a fire, what steps should you take?  
naruto: uhhh... large ones?

Iruka: So, what do you want to do?  
Naruto’s Brain: Die  
Naruto @ his brain: No, we can’t say that, these people don’t understand casual existential despair

sasuke: eight letters. three words. say it and i’m yours.  
naruto:  
naruto, squinting: eight letters three w—  
sasuke, running a hand over his face: —no.  
naruto, squinting harder: ... 'It'.

Naruto: I suggest not picking a fight with me.  
Naruto: Because I will cry very loudly and it’ll be embarrassing for the both of us.


End file.
